Oreoluwa Folayan Tue 25-Jan-22 20:01:38

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I like to think this postpartum depression has triggers

I actually felt good and happy after my cs

Just two days after delivery, amongst the people that came to visit, this young dude wouldn’t just stop at congratulating me but went further to add, why is it that you still look 6 months pregnant ???

Oga, you’re talking to a flat tummy ambassador like that? O wrong nau, that was how it started

I went to check in the mirror, while trying to let go of that, boom

 one unfortunate nurse happened to me and that began the journey 

I dread syringes so much, all through antenatal it was always drama upon drama when it’s time for TT and pcv and rhogam 

But I was really surprised at myself when I had to sign for an emergency CS, like I stretched my hands myself to the medics to set a line, just wow I was nodding at my bravery and smiling, didn’t even notice until the anesthetist asked why I was so excited ??

Coming out of surgery two days later, my hand became swollen and I asked the cannula be taken out from that hand

Boom, these folks had set a line on an accident scar I had years back

My eyes almost fell from the socket, like how ? Of all places it’s the vein on this scar you choose to set a line

That was how the anger started 

I was moved to a private suite later that morning 

Then the devil sent his messenger of doom my way that evening to administer the flagly through the other cannula which by this time too had tissued 

She had just draw the first dosage when I felt this unbearable pain and then the drip started pouring all over my hand

I couldn’t help but let out a loud cry, my sister who was holding my baby told her to take it gently 

But because the devil was out to use her, she paid no ears

I couldn’t comport myself again as the pains had reached almost everywhere, I was now sobbing uncontrollably 

My husband has just walked in, I expected for him to knock this devil incarnate but well, it’s like medics have a secret oath they swear???

He didn’t say a word, my sister was already boiling from the inside and it was so visible she would burst at the slightest provocation 

Then the devil went on a trip, when she returned, my husband had stopped the drip and pushed the drip stand to one corner

She wanted to continue from where she stopped but was told to go

This scenarios kept playing in my head, making me very angry and then eventually depression set in

Nothing made me happy, I dreaded passing by the mirror side

Then the awful increase in shoe size, my size 40 shoes didn’t fit anymore, I had gone from size 40 to 42??

There were just too many triggers 

There were days I would just throw my baby to one side and cry myself to sleep

And when I come out of it, you will see me crying and begging my baby to forgive me, wo was I going mental my God, my mental health was seriously threatened 

I think my husband noticed and he made sure I had someone around me always

Then I had read a lot about PPD during pregnancy 

Then social media did me a whole lot of good

I will go out there, share stories but will still logout and cry???

Motherhood ehhhh,

God bless all mothers and visit with all ttc/mothers to be.